To Begin Again
to begin you must try
A week ago I thought about killing myself. Now I sit in my living room with a cup of coffee mesmerized by the way the sun comes through the blinds at hits the table before me. I used to be worried so much by the things I couldn’t control. Feeling like my world was crumbling around me. But all I needed to do was go for a walk or take a deep breath or talk to a friend. Getting out of the misery that is in my head and seeing the world is more than what I think it is. It’s time to open the blinds, let the world in, and begin again.
It started with eating breakfast every day. To go from starving myself every morning to making sure I am content and at ease is a magical thing. To replace an extra couple of minutes of sleep with something sweet for your taste buds is a magical thing. It all begins with how you start the day. To have a couple of moments where you sit with your thoughts and give everything to the space around you. To listen to the hum of the ceiling fan as you write down what you want your life to be.
It’s about not being upset with what you don’t have but being grateful for what you do. To know you always have a friend to call and a place to go to find peace. It’s about seeing the beauty in the little things. Seeing a puddle of sunshine sit upon your hand. Having a bee land on your painted nails mistaken you for a flower. Hearing the laughter of your dearest friend on a day when you haven’t heard it yet. All this and more is the beauty of life God has left for you. You have found it so don’t let it go.
To begin again after a period of suffering is an unusual thing. To finally be at the light at the end of the tunnel. To see your way out of the storm. To finally lay your head upon your pillow and drift away to the magical kingdom in the sky. It all waiting for you. All you need to do is take a deep breath and move one foot forward. One step at a time.