In the past couple of years, the idea of journaling has become popular across the social media landscape. It is literally the go-to thing I tell my friends whenever they tell me they are struggling mentally through something. Pinterest pins and TikTok videos showing people writing down their thoughts and feelings. It’s a good way to relieve things and something I try to do daily. But my question isn’t about what we write but about how we write.
Some posts I see about journaling are how one day it will be read by the public. There are the journal entries of Sylvia Plath that are read by hundreds of girls each year, especially now since Booktok is a thing. These girls read these and many other journal entries relating to what is written and then go to their own journals to pretty much write the same thing. I know this because I AM ONE OF THOSE GIRLS!!!
When I first started getting serious about journaling one thought that continued to cross my mind was how would people react to what I was saying. Was what I was saying mean something someday? During these years I was, and still am a bit, delusional about what my life would become. 17-year-old me thought by now that I would be living somewhere far away acting or working on projects that would make people love me. Instead, I sit in my dorm chugging a coffee as I try to cram for an exam later this week.
I realize being online I wasn’t the only one feeling this way. Because of social media, everyone feels like they are important in some way. It’s easy to go viral and launch a career off of it. Everyone wants love and admiration from others who don’t even know who they are, but with journaling, they could. Some posts I have seen online show people writing for the sake of one day being read, or in other words trying to be cool. No one is writing how they truly feel. It’s just whatever metaphors they could think of that makes them sound intelligent. Word vomit. Phrases they stole from other people online trying to make them their own. Again I know this because I WAS ONE OF THESE GIRLS!!!
I could have continued to journal this way. For the hopes that people would think my inner thoughts were important or worth something. I wanted to be like Sylvia Plath dammit!
But the thing is this shifted when I truly experienced something to write about. Around this time last year, I was dealing with an indescribable amount of grief. I just lost a loved one I have spent a long time not trying to imagine my life without. So one day sitting on a bench on a sunny day I took out my journal. I tried to do the thing I have done for years. Write about this period in my life that one day people would relate to or understand. But the thing is I couldn’t think of anything new to say. All I could write was that I missed her. And that was what I truly felt.
Since then I have been writing how I truly feel. My pages aren’t long filled with words that don’t truly represent me. They are now where I release everything until I feel it all gone.
The point of journaling is to let go. To get rid of the thoughts that scramble your brain. Even if they aren’t “cool” they are still your thoughts. They are meant to be personal and yours, not the world’s. It is the one time where you don’t write for others so be open and raw. But most importantly be you.